I'm Having Difficulty Breathin
by singingsin
Summary: Merle has a conversation of his own with a hallucination of Daryl. Prompt #77. Written right after the Walking Dead S3 E15. I warn you now, my goal behind this fic was to make you hate me for writing this. Because i want it to be so sad, that you cat help but hate me for making you sad. I love Merle and Daryl and it literally hurt to watch this episode. Rated T for language.


Lil' brotha…Daryl?….

Fuck I'm talkin ta myself like some…fuckin lunatic. Heh. Must be the blood loss…but I could swear yer just there. I can see ya. Laughin at me. Whose the pussy now, eh Darylina? Me. Its me.

God I don't wanna die like this. Fuckin all shot up, beat down by that asshole…. Heh. Guess I deserve it though…..I'm a bad man. I deserve all this payback, fer every bad thing I've ever done. I do. I deserve the pain….

Do me a favour lil brotha? Kill that son of a bitch fer me, the Governor…. Shot me and left me ta rot. I can hear those fuckin geeks tryin ta get in. they're scratchin at the door…but I think I got it propped shut pretty good.. Shit, I don't wanna turn…don't wanna be one of those things….Jesus, if only I had ma gun. Heh. Jesus…yeah right. Jesus ain't listening. He ain't gonna help me out. He ain't never been there fer me anyways.

Ya remember when we was kids? And pop used ta smack us around? That fuckin belt…Fuck, I prayed every night fer Jesus ta help us. You were so tiny, so small huddled up against me in the dark. Momma was gone, and I couldn't do it by myself…couldn't protect ya. That's what a big brothers supposed ta do and I fuckin failed ya. All those scars on yer back… if he weren't already dead I woulda killed him fer doin that ta you….I almost did before I left. Kill him that is. He was a fuckin bastard, pop was.

I tried my best ta toughen ya up. At least I thought I did. I kicked yer ass from here to Timbuktu and told myself if ya could take it from me, ya could take it from him. Every kick, every punch. Every insult and embarrassment…the worst part is I still don't know if I was doin it ta toughen ya up or if that was just ma excuse to lash out at somethin. Anything. I hated everythin bout home. Took it out on you. That was wrong…leavin ya alone was wrong too. Left ya Daryl… I always left ya.

I'm sorry. Don't think I ever told ya that. But I am. Real sorry. I just…I wanted ya ta know. I'm doin it again…I'm leavin ya again…not my choice this time though. And just when I found ya again. Bad luck, baby brotha.

Fuck this gunshot hurts.

Reminds me of that time you shot me on that drug run we did that one time. Heh, you were still in high school. You were such a skinny little fuck back then. You looked like you were gonna piss yerself when I gave ya that gun. Tried ta hide the fact that you weren't comfortable with it, but I could tell. And ya tucked it in yer waistband like in the fuckin movies or somethin. God I laughed so hard. Who fuckin does that? Didn't laugh so hard when ya actually shot me with it. Fuck, still cant believe you did that. Too dark ta see my ass. I think ya enjoyed it.

What ya ain't gonna laugh now? Don't look at me like that, like ya pity me ya god damned asshole. Let me die with some sort of dignity. Ya that's right. Down in the dirt, and I want some dignity. This was all fer you ya know? You and yer pussy group…cant even make a deal right. Knew I had ta do it fer ya. None of you have the balls fer killin…

Not me. I can kill. Killed plenty….since this shit went down. The military training actually came in handy fer once. Heh, I got at least 8 or 9 of them assholes fer ya, before I got caught. I just hope it helps. If they kill ya…well guess I wouldn't know. Yer gonna end up somewhere else. We both know where I'm goin, huh? Don't let them get ya…run little brotha. Talk them into it. Cause the Governor? He's cold as ice…he ain't gonna stop at killin ya…

Ahh…I'm having…difficulty breathing… ain't gonna be long now baby brotha. Ya gonna stay with ol' Merle till its done? Good….good. I'm glad yer here…even if ya are a damn figment of ma imagination. You better not cry when ya put me down. You cried enough when ya were little fer a lifetime. Stiff upper lip Daryl…gotta…put me down right. And don't let anyone else do it for ya.

Its gotta be you. Cause I k now you'll do it right…ya can take down a deer through the eyes without blinking…the least ya can do is take me down clean. Ya owe me at least that. Us being blood and all…

Where'd ya go? Don't leave me alone! Please Daryl….don't go. I need ya…I need ya…fuck! Can't see…Daryl? Brotha? Jesus I'm scared….I'm so sorry…..shit I'm tired…so fuckin tired…Daryl?

Daryl? Ya know…

…ain't no one gonna…care bout ya… like I do….baby brotha…


End file.
